By Your Side
by Hez-xx
Summary: What I would have liked to have seen from 4x12. *spoilers* don't read if you haven't seen the finale. Ballie one shot.


_A/N- Ok, I'm going to give this a go. Like a lot of us, I was drawn into the story of 'Ballie'. Dan & Kate really have that special chemistry that pulls viewers in and makes them believe in the relationship they are witnessing onscreen. Anyway, the finale left me pretty heartbroken & having seen the devastation it's left within the fandom on Twitter & the people who invested in this show from the beginning, I wanted to do this for them._ _So here it is. I hope I do them justice;_

"Now I'm here, I don't know if I can go in there," she almost laughed, despite her tear stained cheeks. She fought for this, for the last twenty four hours, it's all she fought for. She never stopped asking, begging and pleading to be here. She needed to see her, be close to her but now she was stood outside the hospital ward's door, her feet froze on the spot. For the last five minutes she stood, staring through the window, replaying everything through her mind. Over and over. "Can she even hear me?"

"I don't know," Maxine answered truthfully, placing her hand on Bea's shoulder and following it with a gentle squeeze as a show of support to her dearest friend. She always saw strength in Bea, she was the strongest person she knew but right now, she was close to crumbling. "You have to go in, you have to talk to her like she can hear every word or you might regret it,"

"But," she falters for a second, swallowing the lump in her throat, the thought of what might follow scared the life out of her. "I don't want to say goodbye,"

"Honey, it won't be. Allie's a tough girl, she's a fighter,"

"I couldn't even keep her safe,"

"This wasn't your fault,"

"Fuck," Bea exclaims with a stressful, painful exhale of emotions. "Why did she have to go to the showers? I had her, I had her with me in my arms and she was safe,"

"I know. I saw you both. You were both asleep when I checked in on you, both looked so peaceful, so I left you both to it,"

"I'd do anything to go back," Bea admits sadly, looking from Maxine to Allie. "I'd go back and hold her so tight she couldn't leave. What if she doesn't wake up? That's what they've said, she might not wake up,"

"They don't know that for sure,"

"I can't lose her,"

"You can't think like that," Maxine tells her, her thumb rubbing her friend's reddened cheek, soothing her sobs. "Don't give up on her, OK? She didn't give up on you,"

"Yeah, yeah you're right," she nods, rubbing her eyes. How could she give up on something and someone that's given her so much lately? "Can you give us some time?"

"Sure hun," she reassuringly pats Bea's hand in her own. "I'll wait on you right here,"

Bea waits for a few seconds, exhaling deeply before she pushes the door open with her left hand. It shuts firmly behind her and she doesn't move. It's quiet, despite the constant beeping of the machine Allie was hooked up to. Now it was just the both of them and in any other circumstance, she would have loved that so much. Allie probably would have jumped on her by now, unable to keep her hands to herself anytime it was just her and her favourite redhead. Bea almost smiled at the thought. Almost.

"Hey, beautiful girl," her voice barely left her lips as she forced one foot in front of the other to reach the side of the bed. She'd seen a lot of things, a lot of fucked up things but seeing Allie like this, it almost brings her to her knees. Somehow she stays standing, telling herself silently to be strong, like she always manages to be. She brings her hand to her mouth, blinks her tears away and for the first time, she properly focuses on Allie. "You can wake up now, Al. Please, please wake up and stop messing around now,"

She wasn't even sure Allie could hear her but she begged and pleaded her anyway, in the hope that somehow she did, even if it was just a little. Pulling across the chair from the corner of the room, she positions it as close to Allie's bed as she could. She knew she'd have to leave at some point but right now, she was preparing to stay right here for as long as possible. Five minutes passed then ten before Bea stood again.

"Come on Allie. Come back," she whispers tearfully and quietly, softly resting her lips on her lover's forehead. "Please come back to me,"

There was nothing, except the constant beep that filled the darkened room. Bea took her seat again, eventually resting her shattered head on the bed. It had been a long twenty four hours, made longer with the fact she barely slept. Maybe an hour, two if she was lucky. Her heavy eyes struggled and she didn't bother fighting.

"Bea? Bea honey," Maxine hushed her awake, she lifted her head, realising she had let herself drift off. "You were sleeping, maybe we should get you back to get some rest,"

"No. No," she said surely, sitting herself up properly. "I'm fine,"

"Westfall promised she'd tell us right away if there's any change,"

"I'm not leaving her before I have to," she insists, for the first time taking the blonde's hand in her own. "Anyway, shouldn't you be the one resting? Max, I appreciate the support, you know I do but I think you should be getting yourself back. It's been a long day for you too. You know Booms will be waiting. Let the girls know I'm ok,"

"You sure?"

"Course," she repeats. "I'm not sure how much longer Mr Jackson is going to let me stay anyway, I'll be back soon,"

After giving her friend a supportive and comforting hug, Maxine left with the door closing quietly afterwards. Bea paced the room nervously for a few minutes, finally stopping to fill a little white plastic cup with some water before taking two mouthfuls. She finished it quickly, pressing her foot down on the peddle to gain access to the bin.

"B.." Bea tensed, convincing herself that she had only just heard what she was so desperate to hear. She couldn't even turn herself round and instead, let the bin clatter shut. "B.. Bea?"

She heard it that time. For sure.

"Allie? Allie," she cries, the realisation hitting her as she sees the slightest of movement from the blonde's bed. She almost knocks the chair across the room as she rushes the few steps. Allie's eyes are weak, she struggles to keep them open but Bea is there, her tears making a reappearance as her fingers softly stroke her lover's forehead, she tangles some strands of Allie's beautiful blonde hair between them. "It's ok, I'm here, I'm right here,"

"Oww,"

"Shhh. Don't rush the talking," she hushes quietly, attempting to control her own tears which was proving to be difficult. Nurses appeared into the room quickly and after checking Allie over, making sure she was OK after waking, they gave her some simple instructions about taking it easy and then left.

"Why... Why are.. You crying?" Allie managed to choke out after a few minutes of allowing herself to get used to being awake. Her throat had never felt groggier and her whole body seemed to ache.

"I thought I'd lost you, I thought you'd really gone,"

"No," she musters quietly, the first sign of that famous smile, that Bea loved so much, appearing on her lips. "Seahorses. Remember?"

"Yeah," Red laughs through her tears, as happier as they were and instantly reached for Allie's hand, gently taking it in her own. Of course she remembered all about the seahorses. "So we don't lose each other,"

"How are you here?" The blonde managed out another question, after another brief pause.

"Mr Jackson sorted it. It's ok, don't worry about any of that," Bea soothes, running her thumb across her girlfriend's hand. "How are you feeling? What can I do?"

"Just," she halts herself, gently squeezing Bea's hand in her own, almost to make sure she was properly awake. This wasn't any sort of dream or anything, it was real. Bea was here for her. "Keep hold of that,"

"I don't intend on letting go," not ever, she promised herself mentally. "You scared me, finding you like that in the showers, I thought the worst,"

"I didn't do this, Bea. I swear,"

"Hey, shhh. I know, OK? You don't have to say that to me," Allie had promised her, to never ever take another drug again and she one hundred percent believed every word. She had no reason to do this. Maybe for a second, others doubted that but not Bea.

"It was her. The freak. I thought you were coming to be with me and,"

"Babe just rest. You need to rest," the redhead whispers against Allie's forehead as she confirms what she already knew. Ferguson did this to get at her, Allie was caught in the crossfire, like she feared she would be. Her jaw tightened for a few seconds, her fist clenched tight but when her gaze locked with Allie's beautiful blue one, she decided the freak could wait. This, right now, was so much more important. "Everything is going to be ok,"

"What if she comes after you?"

"The bitch won't stand a chance,"

"I'm serious," she worries. "I don't want you to do anything silly, she's fucking crazy,"

"Stop worrying," she insists, her fingers tracing shapes on Allie's cheek. "You are my only priority right now. I need my funny, smart & insanely gorgeous Alliecat back,"

"I love it when you call me that,"

"What, Alliecat?"

"Well yeah, that too," she looks down towards their entwined hands and then back to Bea who is waiting for a continuation. "But I meant when you say I'm yours,"

"That's because you are and I'm so proud that you are,"

"Really?"

"Of course I am. You're strong, Allie. So much more than you think and you are better than all of this,"

"I've never had anyone be proud of me my whole life,"

"I'm so so sorry," Bea apologises suddenly, her voice struggling not to break.

"Why?"

"I promised to protect you, no matter what,"

"And you will,"

"But I didn't, did I? Where was I when that freak did this to you?"

"Dreaming about me I hope," the blonde managed a slight cheeky grin, one which the redhead couldn't help but react too, giving a smile back before it faded. Allie watched her. "I'm going to be ok. You don't get to get rid of me that easily,"

"I'm thanking my lucky stars,"

"Come sit," she pats the space next to her, a knowing smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Bea, for once, does exactly what she's told and carefully settles herself down on the soft mattress. At first she sits and then, when encouraged to do so, she lies back, resting her head on the same pillow as her lover's.

"Are you sure you don't want me to get a nurse back here?"

"I'm sure," she confirms, slipping her arm around Bea's waist. "I just want you before they take you away from me,"

"Only temporarily," she adds, kissing Allie's forehead gently. "No one is taking me away from you permanently,"

They lay in comfortable silence for a short while, enjoying the feeling of having their bodies close against one another's again. Bea continuously twirls the blonde hair around her fingers and after a few moments of listening to Allie's regular breathing, she's sure the younger woman has fallen asleep with her arm draped over her. That is until she speaks out.

"You were amazing,"

"Huh?"

"Being with you, like that," Allie elaborates, taking both of their minds back to the greatest night they had ever spent with someone else. It wasn't just sex. For the very first time for both of them, it wasn't just sex. It was something so much more than just the physical part of it. It was trust, it was love. "It was everything I've ever wanted,"

"It was?"

"Yeah,"

"Same,"

"It's really cute when you go all bashful on me," she giggles at Bea's reddening cheeks.

"Fuck off," Bea giggles back, unable to control her laughter. She feels Allie's thumb trace her hand and she glances down at their point of contact before connecting her eyes with those looking back at her. She was certain it was all too easy to get lost in the beautiful blue eyes that Allie possessed. "I trust you, I trust you with me. I've never had this connection with someone before, I didn't think it was possible,"

"I'd never do anything to hurt you, Bea,"

"I know," she nods confidently. Allie was so different from anyone else. Her protective guard would never have lowered if she didn't think so.

"How's Maxine?"

"Not as good as she makes out," Bea confesses worryingly, Allie senses her partner's worry and reassuringly squeezes her hand. It makes the redhead smile at Allie's sign of affection. "Check you, huh? We're all worried about you and you're still worried about others,"

"Must be my good heart,"

"Your sweet, caring, loving heart. You sure you want to give that to me?"

"Bit late," she chuckles. "You've had it for months,"

"And look where it's got you," Bea replies sadly. "This is what happens to people that get close to me,"

"Are you going to stop trying to scare me away anytime soon?"

"I'm not trying to scare you away,"

"Good because I ain't going anywhere,"

"Smith," they're interrupted when the door creaks open, Mr Jackson appears, giving a acknowledged nod towards Allie before he looks back at Bea. "Times up. We have to be getting back,"

"Already? Ok, can I just have two more minutes?" She begs and continues, cutting his response off. "Please?"

"Ok," he surrenders. "Make it quick, yeah?"

"I don't want you to go," Allie confesses as soon as it's back to being just them in the room.

"I don't want to go either," she admits, kissing the back of Allie's hand softly. "You'll be out of here soon and I'll be waiting, OK?"

"Ok," she smiles at the thought. Bea Smith, waiting for her. "Keep your bed warm for me,"

"It still smells of you," Bea confesses shyly. In the last twenty four hours, that had been some sort of comfort blanket to her. The fact she could still smell her scent everywhere.

"You've gone completely soft," Allie giggled. She liked it. Tough, hard as nails, Bea Smith was her soft, warm teddy bear.

"Hmm. Only with you,"

"Should think so,"

"I better go," she says, hesitantly sitting up from her previous position. She really, really didn't want to go anywhere. At least not without Allie.

"You're not going to go without a proper kiss are you?"

"Of course not," Bea smirks, tracing her thumb across her lover's cheekbone before swooping down to capture their lips together. It's soft, gentle, loving and pretty much everything she's never experienced when kissing anyone else. She never thought it could ever feel like this. She never knew that simply kissing someone could have so many good effects on her whole body. She feels Allie's smile against her mouth and as she draws herself back, the blonde only pulls her closer, not willing to part just yet. She was such a good kisser, much better than Bea ever expected, if that were even possible. It was so easy to lose yourself and she almost did. "Allie, fuck. I really need to go,"

"Ok,"

"I love you," she whispers a certain, truthful whisper. She didn't hesitate or falter, she said it and truly meant every word. The younger woman felt her heart swell in her chest, the grin on her face growing with every second. She really did love her and it wasn't just because of the situation. Allie was sure she would have heard those precious words from Bea's mouth, regardless of all this. It was Bea who couldn't resist one more kiss. "Now beautiful, you just concentrate on getting better and coming back to me, ok?"

"Got it,"

"I'll see you real soon," she would have stood by the edge of the bed all day and night if she were allowed but forced herself away.

"Yo Bea," Allie calls, making her already exiting girl turn to face her. A warm smile dominates her lips. "I love you too,"


End file.
